#WhoIAm

I really shouldn't be surprised that when I look back I truly see God ALL over this study and the three that preceded it. I shouldn't be surprised that looking at the good and the bad of my life, I see God ALL over it. When I look at my relationships, those that work and those that don't, I see God ALL over it.  When I look back over these past few years. I see protection. I see provision. I see grace. I see love.

I've been wanting to blog the past few weeks but with computer problems and time getting away from me, I haven't. I really wanted to blog about #movingforward seeing as I am on that journey as we speak but I didn't.  When I see these hash tags, they really make me think about my life and what is taking place in them.  And so far, with these hash tags, they couldn't be more appropriate with my life.  I am a thinker by nature so this might all sound a bit chaotic. Maybe jumbled...But it is what strikes me as I read A Confident Heart and try to best to apply it to my life.

Last week, I came across this quote.

You can't go back and change the circumstance or relationships that have wounded you, but you can  go back and process the pain with Jesus.  In fact, you won't move forward with God until you do.  And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep you from having a confident hope for tomorrow.  

This quote struck me in two areas of my life.  The past four years as my family recovers from the Great Recession and just a few short weeks ago when a friendship of mine ended abruptly after 13 years.  While I have touched on my family's struggles the last four years, I see my discovery of Proverbs 31 and OBS as part of the healing process on this journey I am on of #movingforward.  It's still hard at times to discuss but I let all that "stuff" of the past four years define me.  I was that woman. That mom.  I was the one who lost her home. Whose husband lost his business. Who crammed her family into that teeny tiny house and drove that horrendous hand me down mini van.  I was the one who had to swallow my pride and ask for help.  I was the one who heard the whispers whether it be from kids' friends, acquaintances or even friends.  I was the one with the husband who always seemed absent because he was constantly driving over the road to make ends meet or here until Spring was in bed when he wasn't working because his hip was so bad.  I was the one who was defensive. Protective. Hurt. Embarrassed. Ashamed.  This was my life.

Just here in the last 11 months have I began this time of healing.  I am a child of God.  He does love me. He does have my best interest at heart. I am a work in progress. I CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.  This journey is no where over but I like to think I am in the healing phase of it.  Christ got my attention.  I am here. I am listening.

On another note, this quote struck me because as I read it, I was in the midst of trying to understand why a friendship of 13 years was quickly over.  Sadly, I saw it coming. I knew it had to happen. I just never thought it would happen the way it did.  Does it make me sad not to see my friend anymore? Yes? Or to take daily walks or head out to lunch? Yes.  But I have to believe that this is what God wants from me at this point in my life.  Before I even knew of the #whoIam hash tag, the last words I said to my friend were "I am who I am".  And you know what, that's right.  I am not always the best friend. I have faults. I fail daily. But what I do know is I am intentional. I do try to be a good friend. And I pray to God daily for all my relationships and how I can be a contributing party to all of them.

Another quote when wrestling with this loss that jumped out at me was the following....

The truth is, we are all "wrecked up" but we are loved with reckless abandon by the King of Glory.  We may be rejected by man, but we are accepted and adored by our Maker.  We may be betrayed and cast aside, but we are chosen and redeemed by our heavenly Father.

Boy, did this quote jump out at me.  Yes, my friendship is over. But you know what, whether good or bad, God loves me including ALL my flaws.  As I continue to grow and serve the Lord, I have to hang onto these truths.  I am loved UNCONDITIONALLY.....

I know this post kinda jumped around but if you made it this far.....thank you:)