Wholly Committed

Back in January, I finally came to the point where I knew I had to suck it up. I had to put my big girl panties on and you guessed it, face the music.  For the previous three years I had slowly gotten to a point where all I did was go through the motions.  I looked the part of the loving wife and doting mother but on the inside I was struggling daily.  I was tired. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad.  I was exhausted...

Joining Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Studies in January was a way to help me get back on track.  Start living. Not just existing...After two studies that spoke volumes to me, I began this study as a Group Leader.  Believe me, I had a lot of talks with God about this one.  How could I, someone who less than a year ago, was so far from a bible study now be leading one?  As I touched on in previous blog  posts, in my heart of hearts, I knew I had to do this though it scared me to death at the same time.

Here in just these past few weeks, I have heard God.  Not only have I heard him, I have listened.  I have found this study to be very therapeutic for myself.  They say hindsight is 20/20 and looking back I feel for me.  What if I would've just clinged to God just a little bit tighter then?  Maybe life wouldn't have seemed so rough.  I truly believe he had my back those few years because there were days we couldn't physically do it on our own.  He provided for us.  We did have faith. I just had doubt.

Reading through this recent chapter, I felt a little stale.  Like I wasn't hearing what God was saying....I had taken so much from the first three chapters why wasn't I feeling anything as I read chapter 4?  Then I turned the page today to read the last two lines and there it was .....

"God is using all of your experiences, both good and bad to develop your character to match your calling.  After all, dear friend, you never know how God will use you until you let Him."

This to me, sums it all up for me.  I have finally let down the walls.  I am finally letting God.  I am ignoring the nay sayers in my life.  I am focusing on my God.  I am committed.  See as I get my relationship back on track with God, all my other relationships fall into place.  It doesn't mean I keep them all. I am sad to see some fade away but it allows me to not only be fully committed to God but fully committed to myself, my family and my friends.

So, thankful God waited for my stubborn self to "let it go"....And cannot wait to see what he has in store for me.  My story will be my master piece.  Just have to take it one chapter at a time ;)